How to Not Make Friends in College

By HOPE OJE

During the first year of college, everyone’s in the same boat. People, for the most part, don’t know anyone else and they’re trying to make new friends.

But you don’t need new friends. That’s not why you came to college. Not sure how to get them to back off? Here’s how to not make friends in college:

1. Lock yourself in your room all day. This is, by far, the best way to avoid almost all human contact. Aside from your roommate, no one can bother you here. Unless you have to go to class, do not ever leave your room.
2. When your roommate says something to you, don’t say anything back. In fact, stare them down as you’re not replying so that they know that you heard them. If your roommate brings friends over, you may have to ignore them too — but by now, you’ve had some practice with your roommate. It’s crucial that you establish early on that you’re not in the mood to socialize. If you don’t, your roommate may just try to hang out with you or, even worse, invite you out to do something with them.
3. Let anyone and everyone know about how high your GPA and SAT scores were. Because, honestly, they need to know that you’re better than them. They need to know how much better you are than them.
4. Don’t join clubs. Clubs are nothing more than groups of people joined together by a task, whether it be service related, athletic, etc. If you join a club, people will try to talk to you and assimilate you into said club. You don’t want that. Trust me.
5. But, if you do join a club, let everyone know that you’re the best. Let’s face it, some people just aren’t as good at <insert activity here> as you are. They don’t have your coordination and they, most certainly, don’t know how to utilize precision and excellence to the extent that you do. Let them know this early on.
6. Deactivate your Facebook. It’s no secret: People send out friend requests after the first meeting (and sometimes even before they meet you), left and right in college! Social media is the best medium for contacting people at this point. Avoid Facebook and Twitter, and no one can get to you.
7. Don’t attend any of the floor and building activities that your RA plans for your dorm. People actually go to these, though attendance can sometimes be really low. But fewer people = more chances to bond. Gross! Avoid that like the plague.
8. Sit as far away from people as possible when in class. Because the closer you are to people, the more likely it is that someone will try to start a conversation with you. If you go to class and make absolutely no eye contact, you should be in good shape.

​The bottom line: It’s just as easy to not make friends in college as it is to make friends in college. Follow these eight simple steps, and I guarantee no one will want to be friends, or even acquaintances, with you. Trust me. I’ve seen many of these things put into action on a regular basis with high success rates all around!

(Hope Oje is majoring in Communication Studies at Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts.)

From Alive Campus. For more information and advice on college life, visit alivecampus.com.